I could have been someone if I hadn't fallen on my arse

Title: But when it comes down to it, who's holding the umbrella?
Author: blackroses
Pairing: Mikey/Penguin
Rating: Adult themes
Beta: immortal_lights (who rocks my grammar socks) and antontobias68
Summary: Gerard gets fucked by a horse.. wait that was the other fic...Mikey is obsessed with Penguins
Warnings: Penguin sex (yes you did read that right).
Disclaimer: Just a figment of my twisted imagination, if you think this is real I can give you the name of a good psychiatrist.
Dedications: For the denizens of fuckyou_mcr. If anyone get's where I stole this crack!fics title from, I'll give you a cookie.


Gerard Way is creeped out by penguins. He used to be fine around penguins, stuffed or otherwise. In fact, he found them kind of funny and cute. Now, he really doesn’t like them because they have images attached to them he’d really rather like to scrub out of his brain. Failing that, he’d love to have every penguin on the face of the planet wiped out.

Mikey Way, on the other hand is different, in more ways than one. He loves penguins, always has. Maybe it was because the first toy his mum bought him was a stuffed one. Sadly, he doesn’t have that one anymore, it has disintegrated over the years. He has a small collection of 356 stuffed penguins at home. Along with practically every film ever made about them, twice. Just in case he wears one out. His favourite is ‘March of the Penguins’. He’d watch it everyday, if he was allowed. Only he’s not allowed and he’s not allowed in the zoo anymore, either. This makes Mikey sad.

Before the ‘brain bleach incident’, things were different. Mikey was happy and Gerard wasn’t creeped out by his little brother.

“Mikey! I’m home.” Gerard threw his keys on the sideboard, shrugging off his coat. He listened for any noise, telling him that his brother was home.

“Mikey?” Gerard shouted again. Sometimes, Mikey didn’t hear him until he had shouted a second time. He listened at the bottom of the stairs for any sign of life. He heard nothing, which either meant he was being ignored or Mikey had finally decided to get out of bed and go out. If he was out, he had probably gone to the zoo. It was practically his second home.

Gerard sighed and went into the kitchen to make himself a cup of coffee. The side was covered in crumbs from toast. The butter, jam and knife had been left out on the side. He sighed again. Gerard couldn’t wait until Mikey moved out. He was only supposed to be there for a few weeks while he searched for a job and a new place to stay. It was four months ago that Alicia threw him out. Gerard still didn’t know why it happened; neither Alicia nor Mikey would talk about it. She wouldn’t even speak to Mikey, and the last time he tried to get them back together, Alicia slapped him, spat at Mikey and walked out.

He poured some water into the kettle and sets it to boil before putting the butter and jam away. As he picked up the knife, he wondered if Mikey did this on purpose. Was he trying to drive him mad? Was it too much to ask to just tidy up after himself? He dropped the knife in the dishwasher with another sigh.

Gerard reached for the cloth to find it damp and in a pile on the side. He hated that. It meant the cloth stayed damp, giving the bacteria time to breed. He picked it up, throwing it in the washing machine. Anger flaired as he picked another cloth out of the drawer and wet it. He worked every day, drawing stupid pictures for stupid corporations and Mikey sat on his ass, supposedly looking for a job.
I bet he didn’t even fucking look for a job today. Gerard thought as he wiped the crumbs from the side. The kettle clicked.

See that took what, 60 seconds? Why is that so fucking hard, Mikey? He thought it hard, half-wishing that Mikey could hear his thoughts.

He rinsed the cloth out, watching the crumbs disappear down the drain. He loved his brother, but it was just driving him nuts trying to live with him. Gerard hung the cloth over the tap, in its proper place to dry, and got a cup out of the cupboard.

Two spoons of coffee, one sugar and hot water later, Gerard is standing in the kitchen, listening to the silence in the house, He holds his cup, just taking in the aroma of the coffee. He missed coming home to an empty house and sitting in silence for a little while before making dinner. Just as he breathed out, the tension of the day finally dissipating, he heard a clunk from upstairs. Gerard put his cup of coffee down, deciding enough is enough. Mikey needed to get a job and a place of his own ASAP.

He stormed up the stairs and flung open the door, ready to tell his brother to move out, only to be confronted with something that’ll haunt him until his dying day. Gerard’s mouth dropped open in shock, and every thought was suddenly wiped from his mind.

Mikey stopped mid thrust as the door slammed against the wall and slowly looked up to see his brother standing there in horror.

Gerard closed his mouth, speechless and then turned and shut the door. He opened it again, just to check, but the scene hadn’t changed. He closed the door and walked away.

Mikey jumped up off the bed, his hard-on deflating, and he switched off the TV before grabbing a dressing gown. He followed his brother downstairs, standing by the door as he watched Gerard sip his coffee.

“Gerard?” Mikey said, voice timid.

“I don’t want to know.” Gerard couldn’t look at him right now, the image of Mikey fucking one of his larger toy penguins too much to bear. The clock ticked as time seemed to slow down and Mikey squirmed. The last thing he needed was Gerard finding him like that.

“I’m sorry.” Mikey ventured.

“What the fuck? I just walked in on you having,” Gerard said and swallowed back bile, “sex with a stuffed toy. With Pingu on the TV!”

Mikey’s face burned with embarrassment, “You weren’t supposed to see that.”

“You were fucking a cuddly toy while watching Pingu, Mikey!” Gerard shook his head; it couldn’t be real. The thing he’d just seen was some weird fucked up dream he was having. “How the hell do you fuck a cuddly toy?” He asked, looking at Mikey, who opened his mouth to respond. Gerard interrupted him. “Don’t answer that. I don’t want to know.”

“I modified it,” Mikey answered.

Gerard shivered, feeling sick. He whispered under his breath, “Modified?”

“I cut out a vagina from a blow up doll and sewed it into Steve.”

“Steve? Steve? Jesus Christ, you named it?” Gerard said, shaking his head. This was too much information for him to handle. “It’s sick. You’re sick,” he continued and looked up at his brother.

Mikey stood at the door, wringing his hands, eyes on the floor. The last thing he wanted was his brother thinking he was a freak too. Mikey swallowed back the tears that threatened to fall.

“I want you out of my house,” Gerard said. He felt bad, but he couldn’t have his brother in his house. Not after this.

Mikey pleaded, “I don’t have anywhere to go.”

“Mom and Dad’s,” Gerard said, turning away to look at his cooling cup of coffee.

“I’m sorry,” he pleaded, in one last effort to convince Gerard to let him stay. Even if it was just for a few days longer, he so could talk Gerard out of making him move.

“I won’t tell them why I kicked you out.” He offered the only grain of hope that he could to his brother.

“What do I say?” Mikey asked, voice cracking as he began to cry.

“I don’t know. You’ll have to think of something.” Gerard picked up the coffee and walked out of the kitchen.

Two weeks later

Gerard walked through the door to the lounge in his parent’s house. He looked at his younger brother as he sat on the couch watching children’s cartoons.

“Congratulations on the job,” Gerard said, walking over to sit beside Mikey. He got no response from his younger sibling.

He tried again, hoping to rebuild a little of the relationship that’d been lost. “When do you start?”

Mikey shrugged and Gerard sighed.

“Mikey, please. I’m sorry I reacted badly to your kink. You’re my brother and I’ll always love you no matter how much you creep me out.”

Mikey spoke softly, turning to smile at Gerard. “Thanks for not telling them.”

Gerard smiled, handing him a small note. “I found you a flat. It’s small but nice and cheap.”

“Thanks, Gee.” Mikey hugged Gerard warmly. “I love you, bro.”

“I love you, too. Oh, and it’s right near the Zoo, too.”

Mikey pouted. “I’m banned from there now.”

“What? Why?” Gerard asked. “On second thoughts, I don’t want to know.”